New post on the other blog...

if you are interested...

I'm going to post now...

In the other blog.

It's Monday morning and I feel like singing

Hope you can say the same.

Posts about Hugs

and how I am a hug whore. :P

Check out on the After Life.

Posted something in "the After Life"

...if anyone is still reading.
:)

I want a divorce

so much so I've filed papers.

and how are you?

Lost Cat

Bond is missing.  H let him out last night.

A little recap:  Spunky (the cat) passed shortly after Mama. More recently, Bond was diagnosed with some huge horrible growth that we can't so anything about. (Yes, we brought the cat from New York City).

H is angry at me about the cat. It's my fault he's lost, my fault he's sick.  H actually tripped last week and blamed me for it.  I wasn't in the room, hadn't touched anything in the room, and have no powers of telekinesis but it's all my fault.

I've posted.

I've posted over in The After Life.
Feel free to check it out!

Spunx at 5

Being a goofball...

Still out there?

According to my blogger stats, I still have a follower.

HELLO FOLLOWER.

I find it hard to believe that after being silent for a good long while, that someone would have the patience to still be there, waiting for me. Waiting to hear from me. Waiting to see if I am okay.

Well.

Hello, Follower. I am okay. Except for the fact that I am miserable.

How are you?

So, I've left New York City. I kind of had to.

Spunx was diagnosed with Autism about three years ago now. Which, can I say, was just such a FUCK YOU from God. You will struggle for years with infertility, you will break your back taking care of your crazy mother in law, and just when you start to think that there is hope in your life, your only son is autistic. Yup. What did I do, God? When will you stop pouring shit upon my head?

Spunx is five. Being in a blue state, we got lots and lots of therapy but. Being in New York City, its crowded. And there wan't room for him in the school. And my husband couldn't keep a job. Or stop spending money. And I couldn't support the family any more. And my father offered to let us move in with him.

In Georgia.

So here I am. And I am okay. Except for the fact that I am miserable. And lonely.  And H is mad at me All The Time. And my father is mad at me. All The Time.

Spunx is hyperlexic, for those of you who chart. So he is, even now, playing with some damn toy that whistles and beeps and he is giggling and jumping and oblivious to all around him. Oblivious to the fact that Mommy is crying, that Mommy is sad.

But I am okay.

How are you?

Autism

Spunx has autism.

I give up

See above.

Movement

I'm over here now.

http://nicaintheafterlife.blogspot.com/

Mama died

The hospital called. Mama isn't expected to last the night.

Please pray

Waiting Room Etiquette

So today, I'm changing Spunketta in the hospital waiting room. (They call it the solarium. I don't know why.)

It's a little space with chairs and couches just off the elevators, and away from the patient rooms.

Anyway, I'm watching the TV (because there has to be a TV, right?) out of the corner of my eye as I am changing the squirming Spunketta, (and I am RIGHT in front of the TV, okay?).

And this fella walks out from the patient area, talking on his cell phone. And without hesitation, he steps in front of me and turns off the TV. Which I was watching. (An infomercial for a Dean Martin something).

And I'm thinking WHAT A JERK and I gear up to say something (don't piss off a gal with a dirty diaper) but then I think -- he might be in pain. Losing someone. Like I am.

SO I don't say anything.

But he's still a jerk

Man, I Hate This Day

September 11, 2001 - September 11, 2008

My First Family Photo: Mama and Spunketta

"It Happens All The Time"

"It happens all the time," says the medical malpractice lawyer. (At a time that isn't now, I will go into how we backed into a lawyer. it wasn't on purpose).

But apparently, this kind of negligence is "common." Even happened to the lawyer -- his doctor wasn't thorough, so the lawyer nearly died of a detectable, treatable cancer.

Any IFer knows to be aggressive with her doctor.

But now I realize that we all should be equally distrustful, aggressive with every doctor for every member of our families.

And i long for the days when i could trust the white coats.

Cancer, Cancer Everywhere

Okay, I'm pissed.

Here's the thing: for the past few years (YEARS) we have been taking Mama to the doctor every three or four months. EVERY. She has not gone more than six months without seeing a doctor.

So when the oncologist tells me that Mama has breast cancer that spread UNDETECTED for several YEARS I get pissed.

Mama is not in any condition to give herself self-exams. Any and all doctors that we have taken her to see in the past few years have known that. Would have to know that.

And how many doctors, you ask? Four that I can count. There may be more. See, we used to take her to a "doc in the box" that was associated with her daycare. Good in a pinch but not the best.

And not ONE of the four did a full examination.

Of course, then we took her to a very reputable doctor in Manhattan. Who also did not do a full exam.

My mother in law is going to die because none of these doctors did a full exam.

(Just in case you were thinking medical incompetence ended at IF treatment).