What happens now

It's like this:

at one point in the hospital, one day that H actually made it to visit me (and Spunketta). H was playing and holding and cooing Spunketta (as you do). And at one point, H looks up at me, a look of vague panic dancing across his face, and H asks me

"Does this seem real to you?"

No, I answered.

H nodded in agreement. "Doesn't it seem as though any minute someone's going to come in and say, whoops! Sorry! Not you, not your baby. Give him back; you're IF."

It was my turn to nod in agreement.

Having a baby, giving birth, does not make me feel less IF. Hell; not being PREGNANT makes me anxious. I could explain, but it doesn't make a lot of sense.

BUT. As much as I feel a continued sisterhood with the IFers of the world, I realize that some IFers do not want to read the blog of someone with a child. *I* do not like to read blogs of folks with babies and kids. At least not those who blog about said child and kids. So if you're going to part ways with my blog... I get it, and God bless.

If you want to continue to read my blog... well, I don't really know where I'm going with it. I may become the kind of blog I don't read (about babies). I may look a gift horse in the mouth, and whine about the baby. I may just put up Mama stories.

I don't know.

So. Buckle up for the ride. And thanks for flying Sandwich Life...

Bear Update

No one knows nothing. Apparently the Bear (cleverly named "Teddy") evaporated. My husband assures me that the day charge nurse, the night charge nurse, all cleaning people and a few other folks have been asked. No one knows nothing.

I gave birth at New York Presbyterian, one of the "top ten hospitals." And I have no complaints. EXCEPT where's my stuff?

Humpf.

Birth and Bear

Spunketta was born June 5, 2008.

I had contractions from 3:30AM until 9:00PM, at which point I got an epidural and thanked God for drugs. (I was one of those who wanted natural childbirth. Out the window...)

About 11:00PM, they broke my water. Spunketta's heart rate went down seriously, due to the fact (we later found out) he had the umbilical cord wrapped twice (not just once) around his neck.

Enter the emergency c-section.

We're all well (although I have developed some complications -- more after tomorrow when i see my doctor for my follow up).

But! I had this teddy bear -- my father gave it to my mother when they found out they were pregnant with me. My mother used it to practice swaddling and diaper changing. I had had this Bear all my life, and he had accompanied me to many an IF appointments. I held him in my hand when they implanted what became my son.

But I left him in the labor room (when they wheeled me into surgery) and no one has seen him since.

So happiness, but sadness too. Everyone has said something to the effect of swapping a treasured artifact for a live child is an equitable trade. I just wonder why God always has to take something from me to give.

More later...

I'm coming back

gimme a moment...