Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Cancer, Cancer Everywhere

Okay, I'm pissed.

Here's the thing: for the past few years (YEARS) we have been taking Mama to the doctor every three or four months. EVERY. She has not gone more than six months without seeing a doctor.

So when the oncologist tells me that Mama has breast cancer that spread UNDETECTED for several YEARS I get pissed.

Mama is not in any condition to give herself self-exams. Any and all doctors that we have taken her to see in the past few years have known that. Would have to know that.

And how many doctors, you ask? Four that I can count. There may be more. See, we used to take her to a "doc in the box" that was associated with her daycare. Good in a pinch but not the best.

And not ONE of the four did a full examination.

Of course, then we took her to a very reputable doctor in Manhattan. Who also did not do a full exam.

My mother in law is going to die because none of these doctors did a full exam.

(Just in case you were thinking medical incompetence ended at IF treatment).

Friday, August 15, 2008

Cancer Scare Day 2

At first, it's easy to cope.

There's an edge of tears in my voice, but not too much. Just enough. I have Stuff To Do. I make phone calls. Assemble resources, marshal reserves. And the edge is there, just enough to make people listen a bit more intently, but not so much that they press for details. Something is up, they're sure of it. But what.

It's a few moments before we have to wake and clean and clothe Mama. I know her bed will be soiled with her own waste, I know that every move will be painful for her. And part of me wants to just let her be. (I won't and it's silly to think of it. But.)

What's the quote? About crisis and day-to-day living?

Coping. Harder today than yesterday, but coping.

Thursday, August 14, 2008


The vet says the cat has cancer.

The doctor says Mama has cancer.

I have to go back to work in 2 weeks.

I need a babysitter.

Mama is going into the hospital on Monday.

The cat is going to have to wait for treatment. We may have to put the cat down.

H held Spunketta and cried. I placed the baby in his arms before I told him.

I haven't cried yet.

I will. When everyone else is taken care of.

watch me cope.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008


Mama is worse. She no longer moves without screaming, although some of it is pure melodrama. I'm taking her in for a ct scan (spelling?) next week to see what there is to see. We can't have a MRI because Mama has a clip in her head from her brain surgery.

One of our cats (Schpoonky) has an odd growth on her chin. Truth be told, she's had it for some time, but this is the first time that we've had time to breathe and look at the needs of the non-humans in the family. The local vet is clueless, so I'm taking the cat to a specialist in Manhattan.

Spunketta is good. H is good. I am good.

I do NOT want to go to work next month.

How are you?