The scan yesterday went fine. During previous scans, Spunketta had never seemed to move much. My OB has a completely different scanner than my RE -- it seemed older and smaller. I don't know if it was the different machine or the stage of development, but DAMN was she moving yesterday.
H, being H, decided she was dancing and mimiced her moves. In the exam room. In front of my OB. (I kind of thought she looked pissed, but that's me).
Scrappy is still there, albeit slightly smaller. My OB called it "vanishing twin syndrome" and said all sorts of nice, comforting things. Like that I didn't have to worry about miscarriage so much and the like.
The scary part (because there HAD to be a scary part, didn't there?) was when the doctor asked about SCREENING. And recommended (strongly) that we see a genetics counselor. And discuss... possibilities.
Essentially, she was asking us if we were prepared to terminate if Spunketta has problems. (Very nicely, she sais this, but.)
Wow.
Of all the things I worried about, that was never one. Birth defects? Never gave them a thought. I always kind of figured that getting pregnant (and staying pregnant) was the finish line.
Wow wow wow.
I am, of course, high risk for all sorts of badness due to my advanced maternal age and whatnot. Of course, high rish means 2%. And all the tests that are available are risky in and of themselves. And may not be, what's the word. Because I still may be carrying remnants of Scrappy, the results would be thrown off.
H's response to all this is "God wouldn't do this to us. He knows we're at capacity."
Hmm. Never heard of the Almighty having a quota system before...
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7 comments:
Ok but that means that there is 98% chance that EVERYTHING is OK! I am with your husband...God and lightening never strike twice!
The fear never stops. You will have a beautiful, healthy perfect baby and will think to yourself, "how is this going to go wrong?" I know I did, anyway. Then, as the baby grows you will fear what is in their food, germs, SIDS, do immunizations cause Autism, what does it mean when my baby spaces out like that, will watching too much TV ruin their brains, why isn't my kid reaching this particular developmental milestone, food allergies, what if we get in a car accident and sail off of a bridge into the river (you could be driving through IOWA & you'd still think it).... the list of both rational & irrational fears is endless. (then it's sex, drugs, car accidents...)
As they say, to have a child is to have your heart go walking around outside your body. They're your guts & really, you have little control over them. To be a mom you have to master the art of letting go of most of your fears - and honey, you are getting a lot of practice.
Ask yourself the question, if Spunketta has Downs, would you terminate? If the answer is yes, get the test. If the answer is no, don't bother. My high-risk friend's test said 'spina bifida' & other than being tiny at birth (4lbs), NOTHING was wrong with her. She's as healthy as can be 4 yrs later. My second daughter was born with 3 holes in her heart, which are closing up on their own. Babies are a lot more resilient than we are.
And even if Spunketta has Downs, her life would still be worth living. She'd just move slower developmentally. There is a lot of support out there for any disorder anyone's baby could possibly have. Keep your thinking positive & don't listen to your fears. Because the fear never stops from here on out. (YEY! Right?)
I agree, if you wouldn't terminate, don't test. The 1st trimester blood and ultrasound screening test can't hurt anything, but also might not be accurate.
We were "offered" (read: told we had an appointment for) genetic counseling. Twice. Based on that, we were offered amnio. Twice.
You can always wait for the anatomy scan and if there are markers for things THEN consider further testing (and the blood levels might have evened out by then to do the triple/quad screen).
I'm glad Spunketta is developing nicely though - crazy when you can see them move, huh?
I agree with your husband - although I have never heard it put as a quota system - I do believe that God never gives us more than we can handle.
I am praying for you and your family.
I'm like you, I guess I just think of getting pregnant as the hard decision making part. Which drugs to use? IUI or IVF? I'm sorry you have more decisions to make.
I would have loved to see him dancing like that!
congratulations on the great scan for spunketta!
yeah, the fear and worry never cease. but, they're interspersed with amazing amounts of joy and love.
you just have to do what's right for you. we opted out of all the screenings b/c we were not prepared to terminate based on any of the results.
I know! It's like, wait a minute - I'm still worried about a dead baby, and you want me to add birth defects to that list? Overload! I think, for all my logical setting it down, that was the main reason we declined screening. We just weren't ready to deal with that. If anything is picked up later, at least we will have had a rest.
It can't hurt to talk to a counsellor to get the info straight, but don't be pushed either way. You're going to have to look back and know you made a good decision no matter how it turns out.
Bea
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