So I got into a bit of a thing with a friend of mine last week.
She was wondering WHY I just wasn't "rolling with it." WHY since now I am p., I am still terrified.
Not only has she been p., she was one of those who got so without trying. So while, being a friend, she learned the terms and the acronyms and the procedures, she's not quite there.
So. So she said a few things that were a little thoughtless (she thought them funny) and I got upset (I was deadly serious) and we sniffed and tiffed for a while and finally, last night, had it out.
"It's like I have post traumatic stress disorder," I said, "although I know that sounds insane."
She paused for a moment. "No," she replied. "That makes sense to me."
It's, perhaps, too big a term for what I'm going through. But. It sure as heck FEELS right. I even looked it up on W.iki.pedi.a. And it seemed to fit.
"P.osttraumati.c S.tres.s D.isorde.r (P.TS.D) is an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened," reads W.iki.pedi.a.
Too big, but just right, all at the same time.
"So when will it be over? When will I relax? When will I stop worrying?"
She thought about it a moment.
"Shortly before you die..."
(yikes).
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5 comments:
There are spectrums for a lot of these conditions. Post-traumatic stress disorder may sound a little too dramatic, but surely it's on the same spectrum? Hopefully you'll start to relax long before your imminent death, though.
Bea
I'm glad you friend now understands :)
Relaxation must be SOMETIME in the future, right?
You are going to be a Mom, Moms always worry.
Although retirement sounds pretty good.
That describes it just perfectly, I think. I hope it doesn't last 'til then . . .maybe just until the baby is here, then you will have a whole new set of worries? Lucky, lucky us!
You might not have full blown PTSD (you have to have really low functioning for that), but I wouldn't be surprised if your experiences have placed you high on the spectrum.
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