Thursday, October 25, 2007

Update (Be Warned)

I'm going to go into a little bit of detail about the bleeding etc., so if you're squeamish, skip down a few paragraphs.

To the rest of you, hi. How are you? Me? Well, I'm still bleeding. The blood is now a mix. A little brown and clotty, a little red. The red blood is now completely stretchy and seems to be in a mucus or something. It's mega-stretchy. I don't know what it means.

And for added anxiety, I woke up this morning to cervical contractions. I don't know how long they lasted; I was having a dream about (no kidding) Gandhi in Las Vegas. The only image of the dream I can recall is Gandhi being flanked by two showgirls. I don't know if that's somehow symbolic of something (other than my screwed up mind).

H wants to call the clinic (again) and see about getting in today for another scan. I don't know that it's worth it. The doc said last time there was nothing they could do. So all that can happen is... what?

We called the emergency service already, but I guess we lacked true panic in our voices as they didn't even connect us with the on-call doctor.

I feel dead inside.

I should mention, I had been suffering from the all-time worst morning sickness ever. In fact, if you notice the gap in posting (between the Twins announcement and the blood) it was because all that was going through my mind was how wretched I felt. And, frankly, I thought that would have been tacky. Looking a gift horse in the mouth kind of thing.

I have no symptoms now. Last week, I couldn't get down the breakfast cereal that I am munching now. Last week, I couldn't fit into the bra that I am wearing now.

I haven't been to work since I woke up to blood on Tuesday. I am dressed for work now. But I don't know what I am going to do.

My husband has been g.ooglin.g non-stop. He's trying to figure out what's going on, what to call it, what causes it, and how to fix it. He's a fix-it kind of fellow.

We're not giving up. I don't know what the hell that means, really. But I keep telling myself, "I'm not losing this pregnancy." Over and over and over, in my most stern voice.

Please, God.

14 comments:

Samantha said...

Honey, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I will be here, holding out for a happy ending.

LJ said...

I am hanging in with you, thanks so much for the update - everything included. do what you can, rest when you can. I'm thinking of you.

Cathy said...

So scary, all of it.

I am, however, siding with your husband - get in for a scan if you can. It won't CHANGE anything, but there is something to be said for knowing where things stand.

I hope this turns out well for you.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I know you must be so scared. I'm so sorry that you are going through this and hope that in the end everything will be fine.

Familyof2 said...

Nica,

I agree, I have to side w/hubby. Yes there may not be anything they can do...but you will at least KNOW what is going on. Be it good or bad. That way you can continue to cling to hope!

*Hugs honey, for you are so not in an enviable position are you...

Courtney said...

Thinking positive thoughts for you and hoping that the bleeding absolutely disappears. Hang in there...

MissHum22 said...

You don't know me, but I stumbled upon your blog a few weeks ago & have been 'rooting for you' ever since. The things (internally & externally) that you are going through are incredible. I have been through this particular thing once (at a family brunch on Mother's Day of 06 - perfect timing) & can honestly tell you mucous isn't a good sign. BUT - you have two in there. Get an ultrasound, like the others said, because you need to know if it is one or both that is having the problem. I am praying for you, honey. Don't go to work - don't push yourself today. God bless-

Katie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Katie said...

Nica. Honey, this is so awful and so hard. The scan can at least give you some answers as to how the babies are doing. There is a woman in my loss support group that lost a twin at 8 weeks. She bled heavily, soaking many pads over the course of three days, WITH clots. She is now 30 weeks pregnant with the remaining twin.
If you go to pregnancyloss.info, there is a lady who lost a twin in pregnancy and bled and carried the remaining twin to term. So, it could be that Scrappy is having problems, but Spunkette is doing just fine. It would be AWFUL to lose Scrappy, I am not taking away from your suffering, and my prayers are that he or she is doing just fine. But if that tragedy does occur, there is still hope for Spunkette. So, take off your work clothes, get on some comfies and get back in bed. Please take care of yourself. If you need anything, anything at all: soupgirl79@aol.com

Praying so, so hard for you.

Dianne/Flutter said...

Praying for you.

Tina said...

I am sorry you are going through this... Will be praying for you and the babies, and hoping everything turns out okay.

Waiting Amy said...

I'm sorry Nica. I agree, consider a scan before the weekend. That way you don't have to wonder all those days.

Sending good thoughts your way.

Mommy Someday said...

I am so sorry! I agree with lots of other comments -- get the scan while you can. You won't regret having one, but you might regret it if you don't. I know you are really worried, but do your best to stay positive -- that can only help :-).

serenity said...

Ditto the others about the scan - information is never bad.

I have been thinking of you nonstop and hoping with everything I have that we get a happy ending from this.

Hugs and love to you, sweetie.

xxxx