Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Ask the Question

H (my husband) is a big fan of affirmations. Perhaps I've mentioned. But he's not a big fan of the statement affirmations. You know the kind. The "every day, in every way, I am getting better and better" flavor.

He thinks they're hooey, and I agree with him. Almost immediately, after I say it, my mind will provide me with a thousand reasons why it's not true, and a million things that are wrong with me and my life. Maybe it's just me.

H is a big fan of affirmations in the form of questions. Positive questions. And, at the risk of sounding like a dutiful wife, I agree again. Because nothing is more powerful, more insistent, more compelling than the unanswered question.

Now, if I ask myself, "what the hell is wrong with me?" I can always come up with an answer. But if I ask my self "what the hell is RIGHT with me?" it's suprising and NICE what pops into my head.

My affirming question, right now, is "what can I do to make my body more fertile and responsive to the drugs?"

Even though we don't have a hope in hell of affording an IVF until next year (if then), I'm doing things NOW that are answering the question. Goofy, loopy things—cutting down on sugar and caffeine, eating way too many vegetables, and (H's favorite) wearing a sleep mask.

So when I ask myself the question... even though we are on a "break," even though I am powerless against IF, even though I've got no reason to hope... I feel hopeful.

Any questions?


Bea said...

I love this.


Heather said...

what is a sleep mask?

Nica said...

sleep mask... it's like a blindfold. I got mine because I used to work nights, and would sleep during the day. So when I would sleep, I would put on the mask and block all the light. Now that I work days, I *still* wear the thing, because darkness stimulates the release of melatonin, and melatonin impacts the reproductive hormones. And I need all the help I can get! :)

A picture I found:

Nica said...

And Bea -- THANK YOU! xoxo